Turning a New Leaf

:: a changing perspective in grief, with hope ::

I recently learned the phrase "turning a new leaf" is connected to turning the page of a book. I looked up the idiom because I've been watching my one house plant change and grow and literally "turn" new leaves.

Meet Dolores. She's from the rubber plant family. She's been growing with me for about four months now.

Dolores creates these pointy appendages like the one you see here at the top of the main stem. The first one stayed for multiple months without change and I had no idea what it was. I'm new to keeping plants. I actually bought this one to act as a humidifier for the colder months, not for any interest in tending to it!

In the past month, that first appendage started to unravel — to turn, and out came a new leaf. I was actually really surprised! Remember, I'm new to this. 🌱

I had begun watching Dolores more closely because she lost two leaves from the bottom within a week of each other. I thought maybe she wouldn't survive the winter to keep my room comfortable.

But then she turned that first leaf. And another after that. And two more. This is the fifth new leaf within the past three weeks.

Now I know the appendages are leaves. They are bringing new life. Dolores is strong. She had to drop two old leave in order to produce five (so far!) new ones.

Of course I started thinking about metaphors. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Also of note, Dolores (essentially meaning "sorrows") was named for the hard season that I was in after our most recent pregnancy loss. I had hope that, with time, Dolores would grow and my grief would change with her. And it has.

She lost two leaves and then thrived. I've lost two pregnancies and might be well on my way to thriving like never before. I believe I am.

My bedside buddy, Dolores the rubber plant (of some kind I forget), is helping me to stay present and appreciate the journey I'm on with hope for an even greater future.

Thanks for joining me.

In hope,

Rebecca Danae 💕

#grief #griefjourney #sorrow #houseplant #rubbertree #hope #healing #pregnancyloss