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  • Writer's pictureRebecca Danae

Building Self-Confidence


My client told me "I must be lazy. There's no other explanation for this. I can't make myself do these things and I don't see any hope for that to change."


Several sessions later she said "I think I understand why I struggle so much. I guess I'm not lazy but with everything I've been through I was stuck without much confidence to change."


I'm sharing her experience because I want you to know you can begin personal growth efforts without confidence to see positive change. I'll hold space for you to feel what you feel, even as I facilitate a progression towards something new.


I won't reject your experience if you self-identify as lazy, hopeless, or anything else. But I will invite you to understand more about the origin of your current identities, and your future identities ⎯ which might be different!


When building self-confidence, we start at the beginning. Let's build from the ground up.


Where Are You Now?

How much do you trust yourself to achieve your goals?

What character traits will make you successful?

How much do you trust your own judgment?


Where Would You Like to Go?

Would you like to be more assertive?

More capable?

Better connected?

More compassionate?

More curious?

Emotionally balanced?

Energized?

Happier?

Healthier?

Would you like to feel more hopeful?


So What Gets in the Way?

Is it anxiety?

Criticism?

Distraction?

Expectations?

Past failures?

Stress?

A lack of support?

Limited time?

Work?


Now That You Know...

Now that you have brought some new awareness to what you hope to gain with greater confidence in yourself, and the barriers that keep you from accessing self-confidence, consider how you might practice and make progress. I'll offer some ideas below.


  1. Address your basic needs first.

    1. Make sure you have physiological stability (shelter, food, clothing)

    2. Cultivate physical and emotional safety

    3. Find love and belonging in a community

  2. Observe yourself without judgment.

    1. Thoughts - write, video journal, meditate

    2. Behaviors - in solitude, in relationships

    3. Feelings - visualize emotions, name emotions

    4. Actions - reflect, request feedback

  3. Consider your sources of esteem.

    1. Do you feel more confident when you have the respect of others?

    2. Does your confidence come from inner self-respect?

  4. Look for the good in yourself.

    1. Honor your successes

    2. Acknowledge your good character

    3. Admire your quirks


As you work to build self-confidence, look out for evidence that your positive view of yourself is growing more resilient and steady. Take heart knowing that those who admire you are right to do so. I bet you're greater than you know.


Wishing you wellness,


Rebecca Danae 💕

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